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Most of us won’t get through life without our own fair share of stress and heartache. But some people experience not just stress, sadness or grief, but actual trauma. This can be from events like being involved in a bad car accident, rape, a natural disaster, or war. The result of experiencing such events is […]
Most of us won’t get through life without our own fair share of stress and heartache. But some people experience not just stress, sadness or grief, but actual trauma. This can be from events like being involved in a bad car accident, rape, a natural disaster, or war.
The result of experiencing such events is called post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), a condition where the mind is unable to process the event as it processes ordinary life events. The result is a brain that misfires information, causing the person to live much of their life distressed, as if the event were still happening to them.
Symptoms of PTSD
There are many symptoms associated with PTSD, but the most common ones are:
• Nightmares
• Flashbacks
• Psychological and physiological distress at reminders
• Avoidance of internal and external reminders
• Dissociative amnesia
• Negative beliefs about oneself and the world
• Distorted blaming of oneself
• Negative persistent emotional states
• Loss of interests
• Detachment from loved ones
• Hyper vigilance
• Exaggerated startle response
• Difficulty concentrating
• Difficulty sleeping
• Irritability or outbursts of anger
• Self-destructive or reckless behavior
Causes of PTSD
Researchers are not altogether clear on why some people experience PTSD and others don’t. What makes one soldier come home from war with PTSD and another one not develop the disorder?
The best we can guess is that development of PTSD is likely from a combination of complex factors such as neurological, stress, life experiences, personality, and genetics. It is also worth mentioning that pre-traumatic psychological factors (low self-esteem, for example) may increase the risk factor for developing PTSD.
How Can Trauma be Treated?
The most common form of treatment for PTSD is something called cognitive behavioral therapy. This kind of therapy involves meeting with a specially-trained therapist over a number of sessions to learn strategies and techniques that will reduce and/or eliminate symptoms of PTSD such as recurring thoughts, emotional numbness, sleep issues, and concentration problems. Beyond finding a trained therapist, it’s important to find one you and your family feel comfortable with, so make sure to interview a few candidates to see who might help you on your journey to wellness.
If you or a loved one are suffering from PTSD and would like to explore treatment options, please be in touch. I would be more than happy to see how I may be able to help.
SOURCES
https://psychcentral.com/disorders/ptsd/posttraumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd-causes/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/trauma
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/stress-relief/201707/what-is-ptsd-exactly
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapy-types/trauma-focused-cognitive-behavior-therapy
It seems that today’s parents are expected to do everything perfectly. They’re expected to make healthy meals, help with homework – which often requires exceptional math skills -schedule play dates, drive carpools, and show up to every game, recital and parent-teacher conference showered and jovial. Oh, and they must also save up just the right […]
It seems that today’s parents are expected to do everything perfectly. They’re expected to make healthy meals, help with homework – which often requires exceptional math skills -schedule play dates, drive carpools, and show up to every game, recital and parent-teacher conference showered and jovial. Oh, and they must also save up just the right amount for college tuition for one, two or more kids.
While parenting is serious business, it shouldn’t be serious all of the time. Parents need to remember to take advantage of the fact that they live with kids. Kids, after all, are geniuses when it comes to living in the moment and not sweating the small stuff. Kids, yes, even older ones, are more than happy to have fun at a moment’s notice.
It’s important to remember that parenting should be fun. If we focus too much on being good parents, we’ll miss out on making wonderful memories with our kids.
Here are some ways you can start having more fun with your kids:
Be in the Moment
I guarantee, your eight-year-old doesn’t spend much time worrying about their schedule the following day or regretting a decision they made the day before. They are most likely fully engaged in the moment. All of their thoughts, feelings and senses are involved in whatever activity they are taking part in.
Adults call this mindfulness, and if you’ve spent any time meditating, you know what I’m talking about. Your first step to having more fun with your kids is to be right there in the moment with them. Don’t let your mind wander to all of those very adult responsibilities you have. Just be – with them.
Share Your Passions with Your Kids
If the idea of watching Dora the Explorer for three hours or playing Legos doesn’t thrill you, your kids will know you’re faking it. Why not introduce your kids to something you love to do?
If you love arts & crafts, why not start a creative project with your kids? Love cooking? Get them in the kitchen and teach them or take a cake decorating class together. Your kids don’t really care what they do with you, they just want to be with you. Sure, maybe your teenager will roll her eyes at the first mention of decoupage, but the reality is she wants to try new things and get closer to you.
Make Not Fun Things Fun
We don’t all have countless hours to devote to taking a class with our kids or going to the bowling alley every weekend. But this doesn’t mean we can’t have fun with them.
The truth is, ANY activity can be fun if we intend it to be. Doing the dishes together after dinner? See who can realistically quack like a duck. Have to study boring vocabulary words? Use a funny accent. Stuck in traffic on the way home from practice? Play “I Went on a Picnic.”
When it comes to having more fun with your kids, there aren’t any rules, except to just do it.
Need help talking with your kids? Sometimes having fun can be challenging when the lines of communication aren’t quite open. This is when a family therapist can help. They will be able to facilitate open and honest communication and provide tools to use every day.
If you’d like to explore treatment options, please get in touch with me. I would be happy to discuss how I may be able to help.
Family therapy is a type of counseling that helps family members improve communication and resolve conflicts. Session are typically led by either a clinical social worker, psychologist, or licensed therapist. Unlike individual therapy, where people may participate in weekly sessions for years, family therapy is intended to be short-term. Session may include all family members, […]
Family therapy is a type of counseling that helps family members improve communication and resolve conflicts. Session are typically led by either a clinical social worker, psychologist, or licensed therapist.
Unlike individual therapy, where people may participate in weekly sessions for years, family therapy is intended to be short-term. Session may include all family members, or just those who are willing and able to attend.
Treatment plans are unique and will be based on your family’s personal issues and goals. With that said, all sessions focus on teaching skills to rebuild, or in some cases build, family connections and cope with problems as a loving and cohesive unit.
Problems commonly addressed are martial or financial problems, conflict between children and parents, and the impact of mental illness or substance abuse on the entire family.
Family therapy can be pursued at the same time as a member is in individual therapy. For instance, if a family member is suffering from depression, the entire family is affected and can benefit from open discussion of the issue in family therapy. The person suffering from depression will also continue with his or her individualized treatment plan, which may include medications, one-on-one counseling or other treatment.
What You Can Expect
Family therapy will typically bring together several family members for therapy sessions. Not all members will be required for each session, and most therapists are willing to create a treatment plan that is flexible and takes into account the family’s schedule.
Most sessions are about an hour, and the overall goal is to facilitate positive change within a six-month period. Some families may meet once a week, every week, while others may meet less often or more often. How many session you’ll need will depend on your family’s particular needs and the recommendation of your therapist.
During family therapy, you can:
If you or a loved one is interested in exploring treatment, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help.
As a therapist, I often have a front row seat to relationship miracles. Well, okay, there are no miracles really. The fact is “fixing” a relationship takes work. It takes two people wanting it to work and then putting in the effort. Having said that, I have seen couples go from nearly ending it to being back in […]
As a therapist, I often have a front row seat to relationship miracles. Well, okay, there are no miracles really. The fact is “fixing” a relationship takes work. It takes two people wanting it to work and then putting in the effort.
Having said that, I have seen couples go from nearly ending it to being back in love, and liking and respecting each other.
Couples therapy can be a powerful change agent, there is no doubt about it. But what allows some couples to make it while others don’t? The couples I have seen recover from marital issues and form an even stronger union have all had certain things in common.
Here are some ways you and your partner can get the most out of couples therapy and set yourselves up for success.
Many couples view therapy as a last-ditch effort, which makes it all the more important to go all-in and commit to the process entirely. And even if therapy is your first attempt to salvage the relationship, it’s important that both parties give it their best effort.
This means even if nothing else has worked, and even if you’re both at each other’s throats most of the time, you leave any Bottom of Form defensiveness, criticism, contempt, or stonewalling at the door. These will only impede any progress that may be made.
It’s common to be skeptical of therapy if you have no experience with it. It’s also common to feel skeptical that your particular problems or issues are too big to be overcome. While there are no guarantees in life, my professional experience has shown me that most relationship issues are solvable. But if you believe that they aren’t, you’re setting yourself up for failure right at the outset.
Real change requires an open mind.
You don’t spend money and time on college to NOT do any of your homework. The same goes for couples therapy!
During your sessions, your therapist will help facilitate respectful and effective communication and give you tools to get the same results at home. But it is up to YOU to use these tools at home.
Your relationship will not be “fixed” every Tuesday from 4:15 to 5:00 pm, it will be fixed from the work you both do on your own time. The point of therapy is to learn how to navigate obstacles and conflict as they arise in everyday life outside of the therapist’s office.
Couples therapy is a wonderful resource that helps many couples overcome challenges. If you’re willing to commit to the process, have an open mind, and do the homework, you and your partner have an excellent chance of creating a healthy and respectful relationship.
If you are looking for a couple’s therapist, I’d be happy to speak with you. Let’s talk and see if I might be a good fit for the both of you.
As a parent, you want to do everything you can to protect your child from harm and make sure they grow up healthy and happy. You make sure they wear a bike helmet and knee pads, but if they do take a tumble and break an arm, you immediately seek medical attention. Some “boo-boos” aren’t as noticeable […]
As a parent, you want to do everything you can to protect your child from harm and make sure they grow up healthy and happy. You make sure they wear a bike helmet and knee pads, but if they do take a tumble and break an arm, you immediately seek medical attention.
Some “boo-boos” aren’t as noticeable as a broken bone, but these emotional wounds hurt just as bad. If left untreated, these emotional injuries can result in further problems as your child grows. This is where therapy comes in.
“But isn’t my child too young for therapy?” you might be wondering. In my practice, I have seen children as young as three years of age. Trauma and behavioral issues don’t have an age restriction, they can affect a child at any age.
Signs Your Child May Need Therapy
Instead of focusing on the age of the child, it’s better to address the particular problems he or she may be having. As the parent, you know your child best. While a friend or family doctor may tell you your child is just “going through a stage,” you may recognize that something seems… off or not-right. Trust your instincts.
With this in mind, here are some signs that may indicate a problem that may require specialized attention. Your child:
This is by no means an exhaustive list but gives an indication of the kinds of behavior that may need addressing.
It is also important to mention that other things can be ruled out before you decide to give therapy a try. For instance, has your child had a full medical work-up recently? Her difficulties at school could be caused by an emotional disturbance, OR they could be caused by poor eyesight. His insomnia could be caused by anxiety, OR it could be the result of a biological issue that is causing him pain. Are you and your partner arguing more? Is your child’s behavior a natural response to an emotional situation at home?
Talk to Your Child About Therapy
While you may be worried your child is too young for therapy, your child may quite like the idea of talking to ‘someone special’ about how they feel. And, at the end of the day, your child is taking cues from you on how to feel about things. If you feel therapy has a certain stigma, your child will feel shame and not want to explore this option. But if you see therapy as beneficial, chances are your child will as well and be open to trying it.
Once you decide to explore treatment options, look for a therapist who specializes in helping very young children. They will most likely put an emphasis on art and play therapy, allowing your child to express themselves in a way that is natural for them.
Be sure to ask as many questions as necessary to select a therapist you feel comfortable with, and speak openly with your child about treatment so they can know what to expect.
If you believe your child may benefit from therapy and would like to speak about treatment options, please get in touch. I would be more than happy to see how I may help.
If you have a child who has been diagnosed with ADHD, you know one of the main symptoms is hyperactivity. In other words, your child may seem to have an excess of energy, and all of that energy needs to be channeled. Unfortunately, modern kids are far less physically active than kids from just 20 […]
If you have a child who has been diagnosed with ADHD, you know one of the main symptoms is hyperactivity. In other words, your child may seem to have an excess of energy, and all of that energy needs to be channeled.
Unfortunately, modern kids are far less physically active than kids from just 20 years ago. It used to be natural for kids to be outside running around and riding bikes, but many of today’s kids spend their time sedentary, watching television, and playing video games.
Clinical psychologists and psychotherapists are taking note of this change and expressing concern. Roberto Olivardia, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist and clinical instructor in the department of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School has said, “Being outside provides ADHD children with a more open environment to appropriately express their energy.”
And psychotherapist Terry Matlen, ACSW, agrees, “Children who are hyperactive and impulsive can release tension far easier being outside running, jumping, swinging, and playing sports than sitting indoors.”
If you want to reduce ADD/ADHD symptoms in your child, help them get their body moving. As a bonus, all of this physical movement will help your child improve their balance, coordination, and other gross motor skills.
Here are some fun activities you can enjoy with them.
Riding Bikes
Not only is bike riding a terrific aerobic exercise that is gentle on growing bones and joints (as well as aging bones and joints!), it’s a great way to explore your neighborhood or local community. When we drive by places in our cars, we tend to overlook many of the details and things that make our local communities special. But when we ride our bikes, we can take in much more.
Family Sports
If you’re lucky enough to have family members nearby, consider having a weekly family team sporting event. This could be family soccer games, touch football games, softball games, or whatever you come up with. Make the prizes fun, like losers cook winners’ dinner or losers mow winners’ lawn.
Yard Work
Speaking of mowing the lawn, having your kids help out with yard work can be a great way to spend time together while getting important tasks accomplished. Painting fences, raking leaves, and hauling things in the wheelbarrow are great ways for your kid to release energy. Plus, when you’ve completed a project together, your child will feel a sense of pride and accomplishment.
Treasure Hunt
Whether it’s in your backyard, at the local park, or in a forest at the end of town, a treasure hunt is a creative way to get your kid exploring in the great outdoors, moving their body, and having an awesome time. Your treasure hunt could have an educational theme, like finding and solving math problems to get the next clue or learning about American Presidents with each treasure found.
Kids with ADD/ADHD are constantly being told to calm down and sit still. So getting them outdoors where they can move their bodies and explore will not only calm their hyperactivity and impulsiveness, but will also make them feel better about themselves.
If you or a loved one has a child that has been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD and would like to explore treatment options, please get in touch. I would be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.
For many parents, bullying brings up memories of the schoolyard. You may have memories of yourself or a friend being bullied in the classroom or on the school bus. But today, social media has created a whole new realm for bullying, expanding the problem and making it easier for children to be harassed. If you’re […]
For many parents, bullying brings up memories of the schoolyard. You may have memories of yourself or a friend being bullied in the classroom or on the school bus.
But today, social media has created a whole new realm for bullying, expanding the problem and making it easier for children to be harassed.
If you’re concerned that your child may be being bullied, look for these signs.
Difficulty Sleeping
Difficulty falling or staying asleep, or tiredness in the morning could be a sign of bullying or depression. Your child may be too anxious to fall or stay asleep; they may be crying themselves to sleep or having nightmares. Wetting the bed is another sign of fear or anxiety in a child.
Unexplained Injuries
Does your child come home from school with bruises, scrapes, cuts or torn clothes? When you ask your child about the injury or ruined clothing, do they appear nervous or avoid answering your questions? Attempt to assess if these are normal injuries as a result of play, or a sign of playground bullying. Ask them open-ended questions such as, “What happened at recess today?”
Avoids Social Situations
If you notice your child has lost friends or has developed a reluctance to spend time with them, this may be a sign of bullying. You may also notice your child is afraid to ride the bus or avoids school entirely by skipping classes or feigning an illness. They may go to the school nurse with a mystery ache to get you to pick them up early from school. If you’re beginning to notice a pattern, try talking to them about it. “I’m starting to notice you’re feeling sick a lot lately. Is everything okay at school?”
Changes in Eating Habits
If you notice your child’s eating habits are changing, such as skipping meals or binge eating, this can be a sign that something’s wrong. If your child comes home from school very hungry, it could be because they didn’t eat lunch. They could be too nervous during lunch time to eat, getting their lunch or lunch money stolen, or possibly avoiding the cafeteria entirely because of bullying or harassment.
Changes in Social Media Habits
When a child is being bullied online, they may start spending too much time on their devices or avoiding them entirely. Monitor their social media sites by friending or following, and if you suspect bullying, check their phone for harassing messages. You may also want to look into parental control and monitoring apps.
If you believe your child is being bullied at school, contact their teacher, the school principal or the school counselor or psychologist. You can also visit StopBullying.gov for more help and resources. If you or your child need professional help to deal with a bullying situation, please call my office today so we can schedule an appointment.
Raising a teenager can be one of the most challenging experiences a parent will go through. Teenagers are in an awkward stage, dealing with hormonal changes that are out of their control and a developing brain. They’re awakening to new realizations about themselves and the world around them. Teenage rebellion is a natural phase, however, […]
Raising a teenager can be one of the most challenging experiences a parent will go through. Teenagers are in an awkward stage, dealing with hormonal changes that are out of their control and a developing brain. They’re awakening to new realizations about themselves and the world around them.
Teenage rebellion is a natural phase, however, handling it as a parent is anything but natural. If you’re struggling with raising an angry teen, here are some strategies that can help.
Keep Your Cool
It may be difficult to keep your cool when your teen is yelling at you, but as the adult, it’s important that you maintain control. Refrain from yelling, cursing, or name-calling your teen. Verbal abuse will only escalate the argument and will have a long-term impact on your child and your relationship. If your child is being verbally abusive, apply consequences to their behavior and speak in a calm, matter-of-fact tone.
Accountability, Not Control
Rather than trying to control your teen and their behavior, make them accountable. Set clear boundaries, and establish rules and consequences.
Listen
It can be difficult to listen when your child is yelling or angry. Your initial reaction may be to defend yourself or criticize. Rather than offering advice or judgment, actively listen to your teen. Be silent as they express themselves, and ask questions to better understand how they’re feeling. You can also calmly express that it’s difficult to listen to them when they’re angry and yelling. By genuinely trying to listen and understand them, you can teach them how to control their emotions and express themselves calmly.
Give Them Space
When your teen is angry and wants to storm off, let them go instead of following them and trying to continue or resolve the argument. It’s healthy for both of you to give each other space and time to cool off so you can revisit the discussion when you’re both feeling calmer.
Pick Your Battles
Your teen is going through a difficult phase, and needs empathy. Remember back to the times when you were a teen to help you empathize. There will be times when your teen is making a bigger deal of something than it needs to be, and as the adult it’s your job to know when to stand your ground, and when to let things go. Talk with your spouse to set boundaries and determine priorities of issues that can be compromised, and issues that are non-negotiable.
If you’re having difficulty with your angry teenager and want some help and guidance, call my office today so we can set up an appointment to talk.
As parents, it can be challenging raising a teenager. Teenagers are at the stage where they begin to question the beliefs and values they were raised with, while challenging authority and parental restrictions. Sometimes, teens are struggling with even more issues in their lives. A teen struggling with substance abuse, a mental health disorder, or […]
As parents, it can be challenging raising a teenager. Teenagers are at the stage where they begin to question the beliefs and values they were raised with, while challenging authority and parental restrictions.
Sometimes, teens are struggling with even more issues in their lives. A teen struggling with substance abuse, a mental health disorder, or behavioral problems can cause a great deal of strain on family relationships. While individual therapy will help your teen deal with their personal difficulties, family therapy can help improve the family dynamic and create a more positive home life. A healthy, happy family will not only help your teen cope with personal challenges, but it will benefit your family as a whole.
1. Develop Trust and Honesty
As families talk through their issues in therapy, everyone will learn each other’s strengths and weaknesses. Discussing difficult matters with a professional and unbiased third party can help each member of the family communicate their feelings in a safe and constructive environment. Your therapist will help family members learn something they didn’t know about each other by encouraging people to communicate things they’ve held inside, or by asking questions no one else thought to ask. This effective and honest communication will help develop trust in familial relationships.
2. Improved Communication and Problem-Solving Skills for the Future
Through therapy, your family will learn better ways to communicate their feelings and resolve issues. Your family will learn and develop healthy communication and conflict resolution skills that they can use to help prevent further conflicts from starting.
3. Bring Your Family Closer Together
Applying the techniques learned in therapy will bring your family together. As trust and honesty develop, tensions and stress will be reduced and your home will become a more positive and supporting environment. As each family member gains a better understanding of healthy boundaries, relationships will greatly improve. These positive interactions will increase the peace your family feels when spending time together.
4. Skills Learned Can Be Applied to Other Relationships
Some or all of the skills learned in family therapy can be applied at school, with friends, on the playground or in the workplace. Better communication and conflict resolution skills can help each family member in every aspect of their life. These techniques will continue to help your child as they move through adulthood, even up to when they grow and have families of their own.
If you and your teenager are having a difficult time and need the help of a licensed professional to navigate your way toward a healthier relationship, call my office today so we can set up an appointment.
‘The spark’ is a phrase that’s used a lot when it comes to romantic relationships. In fact, you might have felt ‘the spark’ in the beginning of your relationship, and as a result, the early days were very exciting for you and your partner. However, like every other flame, ‘the spark’ needs to be kept […]
‘The spark’ is a phrase that’s used a lot when it comes to romantic relationships. In fact, you might have felt ‘the spark’ in the beginning of your relationship, and as a result, the early days were very exciting for you and your partner. However, like every other flame, ‘the spark’ needs to be kept alive by both partners. When you think of intimacy, you probably imagine physical attraction, and sexual relations, however, intimacy is so much more than that. It encompasses both the physical and the emotional.
At the beginning of your relationship, you just can’t seem to get enough of your partner. You want to see them all the time, and they are constantly on your mind. Naturally, romance blossoms and intimacy is high and effortless.
However, as time goes on, life sort of gets in the way. Routine and the stress of everyday living makes it almost impossible to sustain high levels of intimacy without effort. It takes practice, time and effort to keep intimacy levels high in any relationship.
Here are 5 ways to strengthen the intimacy in your relationship, and keep your flame burning hot.
1. Do exciting things together- As your relationship develops, you are bound to form a routine. However, routines become boring. Shake things up by making an effort to do really exciting things together, such as climbing a mountain, going on a vacation, taking a special class together or going bungee jumping! It will provide a much-needed breath of fresh air in your relationship and help you discover new things about each other.
2. Have deep meaningful conversations– Talk about your relationship, your current lives, plans for the future and your emotional state. Try as much as possible to be vulnerable with your partner and let them see the real you. Lack of communication and bottling up negative emotions can lead to resentment. Explore the things that make your relationship work, and strengthen your commitment to each other. Having a therapist facilitate these conversations can make them really fruitful and rewarding.
3. Be thoughtful – Intimacy isn’t always about the grand gestures. Something as simple as writing your partner a love letter or stocking up on their favorite snack can make them feel incredibly loved and appreciated.
4. Make couple time- It can be really hard to focus on one thing in today’s digital world, and sometimes we unconsciously pay more attention to our gadgets than to our lovers. At least once a week, turn off all electronic devices and participate in an activity you both enjoy. You could watch a movie, cook together or massage each other. This gives you time to enjoy each other and connect on a deeper level.
5. Express gratitude- Every night, before bed, express gratitude for one thing your partner did during the day, no matter how small or random.This will help them feel loved and appreciated.
If you would like to improve intimacy in your relationship and strengthen the bond between you and your partner, please book a relationship therapy session with me.
