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Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance: these are the very well-known five stages of grief, as postulated by Swiss psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book On Death and Dying. At the time of the book’s publication, very little instruction was given in medical school on the subject of death and dying, which was what motivated Kübler-Ross to share her findings […]
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance: these are the very well-known five stages of grief, as postulated by Swiss psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book On Death and Dying. At the time of the book’s publication, very little instruction was given in medical school on the subject of death and dying, which was what motivated Kübler-Ross to share her findings in her work with terminally ill patients.
Since the book’s publication, the five stages of grief have become so well-known it’s now engrained in pop culture. Despite its popularity, some people may be surprised to find out that Kübler-Ross didn’t create the stages to indicate a linear progression of grief, but rather to describe the process of the patients she observed. Before her death in 2004, Kübler-Ross noted in her book On Grief and Grieving that the five stages were not meant to be a linear and predictable progression of grief, and that she regretted that the stages had been misinterpreted.
Coinciding with Kübler-Ross’ own remarks on the five stages, there appears to be no evidence that people go through any or all of these stages, or in any particular order. As unique as is each individual and their relationships, so too is their experience with the grieving process.
Since mourning the loss of a loved one can be such a devastating experience, many who grieve yearn for a checklist, a time to look forward to when the sadness and grief will end. Unfortunately, there seems to be no definitive “end” to the grieving process; much like our own personal growth, we’re never really “done” or complete with grieving.
As we deal with life as it continues, hand in hand with the experience of mourning a loved one, we find a “new normal” – a new way to be in the world without that person in our lives.
Although grief has no particular stages, timeline or ending, it doesn’t mean that we will grieve in the same way forever. The people that we love and lose are forever engrained in our hearts and minds. Over time, the indescribable sorrow of grief morphs into a sort of bittersweet gratitude: still sad that we lost our loved one, but happy and grateful for the gift of sharing our life and time with them.
If you are struggling with grief and need support and guidance, a licensed therapist can help. Please call my office today, and let’s set up a time to talk.
If you or a loved one have gone through a program in a drug or alcohol rehabilitation center, you know that much of the time spent in rehab focuses on preparing you for your move back home. This can be a dangerous and scary transition if you’re unprepared. Although throughout your stay in rehab you’ve […]
If you or a loved one have gone through a program in a drug or alcohol rehabilitation center, you know that much of the time spent in rehab focuses on preparing you for your move back home. This can be a dangerous and scary transition if you’re unprepared. Although throughout your stay in rehab you’ve accomplished many things and overcome serious and difficult hurdles, the toughest challenges lie ahead.
Returning home will make you want to settle into familiar routines, which would be a perilous mistake. When you consider that most relapses take place only weeks after leaving rehab, you can value the importance of making immediate changes to accommodate your new, healthier lifestyle.
Clean Up
If possible, have a friend or loved one remove all drugs, alcohol and paraphernalia from your home before you return. If this isn’t possible, recruit a sober friend or your sponsor to help you clean up as soon as you get home. There may also be other reminders or triggers of your former lifestyle in your home. Throw or give these away. Take the time to clean your home and make it comfortable and cozy. Rearrange furniture or change décor to refresh your place as much as possible.
Locate a Support Group
There are lots of sources for continued support for your life after rehab. Seek out an individual therapist you can meet with on a regular basis, find support groups with like-minded individuals, or start attending a local 12-step meeting.
Find New Friends
Immediately delete contacts of friends from your former way of life. It’s vital for those in recovery to make new, sober friends. The temptations and cues to use will drop if you’re surrounded by other sober people. To maintain your sobriety, it’s also important to identify and cut out negative or toxic people from your life. Recovery means creating a more positive and healthy life for yourself, and that includes choosing the people you surround yourself with.
Recovering from addiction will probably be one of the most difficult challenges you’ll ever face. This is a lifelong process and commitment and one that’s not without bumps along the road. But by taking it one day at a time, you’ll acquire strength from every passing moment of sobriety.
If you need help staying on a sober path after rehab, a licensed professional can help. Give my office a call today so we can schedule a time to talk.
Many parents believe in the same myth: if they do everything right, their children will be happy. But that’s not how childhood works. No matter how much you love your child or how much you give to them in the way of attention and material items, kids are still going to experience all kinds of […]
Many parents believe in the same myth: if they do everything right, their children will be happy. But that’s not how childhood works. No matter how much you love your child or how much you give to them in the way of attention and material items, kids are still going to experience all kinds of emotions, including anger.
While childhood is filled with fun and wonder, it is also a time when children often feel a lack of independence, scared, and confused by the world around them. These feelings, combined with growing pains, an increase in hormones and the pressure of doing well in school and extra-curricular activities, quite naturally leads to frustration and anger.
Here are some ways to help your child deal with their anger:
You can’t help your child if you see them as Damien from “The Omen.” The feeling of anger is completely normal and natural for human beings of all ages to experience. Approach your child with this attitude. Your job is not to STOP them from feeling anger, it’s to help them process their anger in constructive, not destructive, ways.
If only your child chose to be angry on the days you didn’t have a fight with a coworker and then were stuck in traffic on the way home for an hour and a half. It’s important to remain calm when your child is having an anger fit, even on those days you feel like blowing your own top. This will not only help keep the situation under control, it will also teach them through action how to control their own emotions as they grow and develop.
Never tell your child they shouldn’t feel something they are feeling. If they are feeling frustrated and angry, chances are there is a very good reason for it. So validate their anger. This can be as simple as saying, “You seem very upset right now,” instead of saying, “Hey, calm down, there’s no reason to get so angry.” Validating their feelings will help them identify their emotions and not feel bad or ashamed of them.
Help your child deal with their anger in positive ways instead of negative ways. Very young children may want to draw their anger. Older children may want to run around in the back yard. Teenagers may want to lift weights to get that energy out. Squeezing stress balls and bubble wrap is a fun way to get the anger out and it often ends in everyone having a good laugh.
Feeling anger is a natural part of life. Don’t make your child feel bad for their anger and don’t feel like you’ve somehow failed as a parent because your child experiences anger. Anger just is and we all have to learn to process it in healthy ways.
Some kids have more anger than others. In the case of a divorce or sudden death of a parent, a child may be dealing with the kind of anger that requires professional counseling. If you or someone you know has a child with extreme anger issues and would like to explore treatment options, please be in touch. I would be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.
Almost everybody in America knows what a GPA is. The Grade Point Average, a standard of measuring academic achievement in the United States, unfortunately tends to be seen as a definition of a student’s intelligence and potential. What is meant to measure achievement can be a destructive and discouraging system for many students. If your […]
Almost everybody in America knows what a GPA is. The Grade Point Average, a standard of measuring academic achievement in the United States, unfortunately tends to be seen as a definition of a student’s intelligence and potential. What is meant to measure achievement can be a destructive and discouraging system for many students. If your child is obsessed with getting good grades, this can be harmful to their creativity, their individuality, and their mental health.
Why Do Kids Get Obsessed with Getting Good Grades?
Many times, kids are obsessed with getting good grades to please their parents. You may have had a reward system for when your child got good grades – you may have celebrated their good grades or punished them for not meeting your expectations. Naturally, a child wants their parent’s love and approval.
If you can in good conscience say that your child’s obsession with getting good grades has nothing to do with your influence, there may be other factors at play. She may have unrealistic ideas about what is needed for her to pursue a specific career. There may be a culture of grade obsession in her classroom or at her school. Talk to your child to see if they can identify reasons why they’re striving for high grades.
How Can You Stop Your Child from Obsessing Over Good Grades?
Help your child refocus by emphasizing the development of a good work ethic and a positive attitude. Teach your child that hard work in the end is what counts; so that regardless of the grade they receive, they can never be disappointed knowing the effort they expended.
Of course it’s important to teach your child to work hard and always do their best. While grades are an important factor in their academic success, it doesn’t define them or their abilities. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Character is higher than intellect. A great soul will be strong to live as well as to think.”
Every person has their strengths and weaknesses, and tests and grades aren’t always the best measure of one’s knowledge or potential. Remind your child that it’s not about what they know, but who they are as a person that truly matters.
If you or your child need help making the best of their educational experience, a specially trained professional can help. Call my office today to schedule an appointment.
When we talk about our mental health, we’re talking about much more than a clinical diagnosis. Your mental health also refers to your psychological well-being. Having a healthy psychological well-being means you’re able to better manage your emotions as well as your mood. Every day presents its unique challenges, and a healthy mental state can […]
When we talk about our mental health, we’re talking about much more than a clinical diagnosis. Your mental health also refers to your psychological well-being. Having a healthy psychological well-being means you’re able to better manage your emotions as well as your mood. Every day presents its unique challenges, and a healthy mental state can help you take challenges in stride.
Repeating an affirmation can help you create a positive mental outlook that will be a driving force in your life. Use a search engine to look up “positive affirmations” and you’ll find several ideas of words and phrases that resonate with you, and things you struggle with. You can also try searching for something more specific, such as “positive affirmations for women” or “positive affirmations to improve self esteem”.
Repeat your phrase or phrases during meditation, either out loud or in your mind. Repeating affirmations or mantras during consistent meditation practices can help you overcome negative self-talk, which will greatly improve your mental health.
Practicing gratitude will sharpen your attention towards the positive aspects of your life. By focusing on what’s good, you’ll start to notice and appreciate other positive things in your life. Gratitude is more than just a feeling; it is a choice. By choosing to be grateful, you can keep your mind distracted from negative thoughts.
Eating healthy is a vital part of positive mental health. Eating a balanced diet of fruits, vegetables, lean protein and whole grains will slowly release energy into your bloodstream, creating a consistent level of energy that won’t leave you feeling tired or sluggish. Eating healthy will also provide a mental boost because you’ll feel good about your healthy food choices.
Sunshine is a great way to boost your mood. Put on some comfortable walking shoes and take a leisurely walk around your neighborhood, or a local park. Exposure to sunlight will help your brain release serotonin which will boost your mood, and help you feel more calm and focused.
A good night’s sleep is a vital part of a healthy lifestyle. When you’re well rested, you’re naturally energized. Regular sleep also boosts your immune system as well as your cognitive and mental health.
You have the power to improve your mood. By making some healthy additions to your daily routines, you can develop regular habits that will improve your overall mental well-being.
Are you having trouble staying positive or managing your moods? A licensed mental health professional can help you find better coping strategies, and offer additional support and guidance to help you live a more balanced life. Call my office today, and let’s schedule a time to talk.
If you think back to your own childhood, you remember there are generally two types of kids: The bully and those that the bully bullies. Most of us fell into that second group of kids. And don’t think for a minute that girls can’t be bullies, because they can. Girls can actually be brutal to […]
If you think back to your own childhood, you remember there are generally two types of kids: The bully and those that the bully bullies. Most of us fell into that second group of kids. And don’t think for a minute that girls can’t be bullies, because they can. Girls can actually be brutal to one another.
Not only are kids and teens bullied the old fashioned way with taunts in the hallway, shoving and tripping, but now thanks to a proliferation of social media, they can be bullied 24/7 365.
While no parent wants to think that their child is being bullied, it’s important to know the truth. And sometimes you have to find that truth out on your own, because your child won’t come to you.
Here are some ways you can tell if your child is being bullied:
Has your child suddenly become depressed or anxious and there is nothing in your home life that would warrant such a change? When you ask what is wrong, do they snap at you or avoid the conversation altogether?
If your child used to enjoy school and is now reluctant to go most days, something is not right. They may pretend to get sick often, miss the bus on purpose or just refuse to get out of bed.
Is your child’s school bag, toys or cellphone suddenly missing or broken? When you asked what happened, do they seem fearful to tell you? Bullies often oppress other kids by stealing or breaking their personal possessions.
Does your child come to you in the middle of the night unable to fall or stay asleep? Has their teacher spoken to you about them falling asleep in class? Children who are being bullied are often too anxious to sleep at night, worrying about the next day.
One of the most obvious signs of bullying is having marks such as scrapes, cuts and bruises. When you ask where they came from, it is very obvious they are not telling you the truth or the whole truth.
If you find out your child is being bullied, you will want to speak with school administrators to bring the situation to their attention so they can take necessary actions. Also, let your child know they may come to you at any time to talk about what’s happening. You may also want to have your child speak to a therapist who can help them deal with the fear and anxiety.
If your child is being bullied and you’d like to explore treatment options, please be in touch. I would be happy to discuss how I may be able to help.
When children are taught how to set and achieve goals, they learn that decisions have consequences and that hard work earns rewards. As your child sets and works towards academic goals, their self-confidence will grow, and they’ll take pride in themselves and their achievements. They will learn how to focus, how to prioritize, and ultimately […]
When children are taught how to set and achieve goals, they learn that decisions have consequences and that hard work earns rewards. As your child sets and works towards academic goals, their self-confidence will grow, and they’ll take pride in themselves and their achievements. They will learn how to focus, how to prioritize, and ultimately how to make better decisions.
Step 1: Explain
To take advantage of all that goal-setting has to offer, start working on this with your child as soon as they’re old enough – typically around age eight.
Explain to your child what goals are. Describe how people achieve goals as a result of a great deal of hard work. Help them understand the long-term importance of academic success, no matter what field they should choose to go to in the future.
Step 2: Brainstorm
Your child may or may not be aware of their own academic strengths and weaknesses. When setting goals, remember that it’s important to keep them specific, realistic, and attainable. Academic goals can include achieving certain grades in certain subjects, staying focused in class, or completing homework at a certain time.
Be sure to stay as quiet as possible while brainstorming, allowing your child to come up with their own ideas. If their goals are unrealistic, steer them toward something more achievable. If their goals are too big or long-term, help them break it down into a first step toward the long-term goal.
Step 3: Track
As author Harvey Mackay once said, “A dream is just a dream. A goal is a dream with a plan and a deadline.” Once your child has decided on a couple of goals, write them down and track their progress. You may wish to break each goal down into achievable, specific steps, each step with its own deadline. Set aside a block of time on a weekly or monthly basis to check-in on your child’s progress. Make the check-in is special to help your child stay motivated and focused. For example, you can take them to lunch at the park or a favorite restaurant. Discuss their progress, help them with any difficulties they may have and remind them why they set their goals.
Step 4: Celebrate
Celebrate when your child achieves a goal. It can be an outing, their favorite meal, or a small gift. Then, work with them on setting the next set of goals. Even if your child didn’t meet their goal, likely they learned some lessons and made some progress along the way.
Remind your child that failure is something every person experiences in life: we don’t always achieve the goals we set. Sometimes our biggest success comes by learning from mistakes and trying again. Encourage your child to never give up on dreams that are important to them.
Does your child need help achieving academic success? One of our trained professionals can help them accomplish their goals. Give our office a call at your earliest convenience to set up an appointment.
It’s that time of year again when big yellow buses can be seen driving around the neighborhood and school bells begin ringing. Going back to school can definitely be an exciting time for parents and children. But for some kids, especially younger ones, going back to school after a summer break can feel overwhelming and […]
It’s that time of year again when big yellow buses can be seen driving around the neighborhood and school bells begin ringing. Going back to school can definitely be an exciting time for parents and children.
But for some kids, especially younger ones, going back to school after a summer break can feel overwhelming and scary. While this can be fairly common, there are some things parents can do to help their child prepare for the new school year ahead:
Check Your own Emotions
Parents of young children may also find it a bit sad to send their child off to the first day of kindergarten or first grade. Your child will pick up on your emotions so be sure to put on a good face and show them good energy.
Shop and Talk
Young children that are very nervous about starting school may not want to talk about it. It’s a good idea to take your child shopping for their school supplies and clothes and use this time to try and discuss their feelings about things. Having an activity to do can often help a child express themselves better. Also, while you want your child to be able to express their fears and worries, try and steer the conversation towards things they may be looking forward to as well. Encourage them to recognize that although change is scary, it can also be really great and fun!
Practice
Summer was most likely filled with days and nights that did not fit a tight schedule. Your child may have been able to stay up longer and sleep in later. It will be a shock for them to suddenly have to go to bed early and get up to an alarm clock. Practice getting back into the proper sleep routine before the first week of school.
Connect with Future Classmates
If your child will not know anyone in their class, try to see if you can have a playdate before the school year begins so they can meet some new friends. This will make it much easier come that first day of school when they see a friendly and familiar face or two.
Get Guidance
If you feel the stress of starting a new school year is overwhelming and your youngster and you are having a hard time handling things on your own, seek expert advice from a mental health professional who can help both of you cope.
If you’d like some help with your child’s anxiety, please be in touch. I’d be more than happy to discuss treatment options.
SOURCES
https://psychcentral.com/news/2006/08/07/control-back-to-school-anxiety/160.html
Mindfulness is the practice of being aware of your body and feelings in the present moment. If you’re silent for a moment, you will notice the subtle smell of your freshly washed clothing, the sound of your breathing, and watch a small leaf blow past your window. Mindfulness is an incredibly calming, relaxing practice that […]
Mindfulness is the practice of being aware of your body and feelings in the present moment. If you’re silent for a moment, you will notice the subtle smell of your freshly washed clothing, the sound of your breathing, and watch a small leaf blow past your window. Mindfulness is an incredibly calming, relaxing practice that can help adults in numerous ways, and it may surprise you that it can help children, too.
Studies have shown that children who learn mindfulness practices showed better grades, increased patience and improved coping skills. When taught in schools, mindfulness increases optimism in classrooms while decreasing bullying and aggression.
It can be remarkably simple to teach a child mindfulness. Here are four exercises to get started.
Teach your child to become aware of their body with a muscle awareness exercise. Sit down on the floor and do some exercises where they focus on one muscle at a time. They can point their toe and hold, and as you do the same ask them what they feel and where exactly they feel the tightening of their muscle. Hold for a few seconds and release, then repeat with other muscles.
Have your child lie on her back with a favorite stuffed animal on her belly. Have her watch the stuffed animal, which will naturally rise and fall as she breathes in and out. Teach your child to breathe in through their nose slowly, to hold their breath for a few seconds, then slowly release the breath as they watch their stuffed animal rise and fall to match their breaths.
Take a mindful walk around the block or at a local park with your child. Take in the sights, sounds and smells. What does your body feel like as you’re walking? What muscles do you feel working the most? Notice sounds you may hear, especially subtle sounds like a leaf skittering across the grass, or the crunch of a leaf as you step in. This will help them relax, get in a little bit of exercise and learn to appreciate all their body does to keep them moving.
Have a mindful meal or snack with your child. As you eat, do so mindfully. Focus on the food. What are the colors? How does it taste and smell? Have your child describe what happens when they chew and swallow. Have them notice what muscles are moving as they eat or bring the food to their mouth.
Children learn what they see at home, so by modeling mindfulness practices yourself, you will benefit them greatly.
Are you a parent looking for unique ways to cope with challenging parenting issues? A licensed therapist can provide the support and guidance you need. Give my office a call today and let’s schedule a time to talk.
We live in a society that worships the overachiever. Burning the candle at both ends and denying yourself pleasure until the work gets done is seen as honorable. And while having a good work ethic is definitely key to living your best life, it is also important to balance your work life with a sense […]
We live in a society that worships the overachiever. Burning the candle at both ends and denying yourself pleasure until the work gets done is seen as honorable. And while having a good work ethic is definitely key to living your best life, it is also important to balance your work life with a sense of play and freedom. If you don’t, you could experience burnout.
You may think that a workaholic would be every boss and manager’s dream employee. After all, if you’re someone who’s addicted to work, you’re generally the first one to arrive, last to leave, refuse to take vacations and take on mountains of work.
But workaholics are often not seen as team players, don’t delegate, and can’t handle their workload efficiently. And, because these individuals refuse to take time off of work, they can become sick. Workaholics experience far more work-related stress, anger, anxiety and depression, which can result in physical symptoms like headaches, migraines, GI upset and insomnia.
Wondering whether you are a workaholic? Here are 10 signs you may be addicted to working:
Workaholism is an actual disease like alcoholism that tends to be passed down from parent to child. Work addicts use work as a means to cope with emotional discomfort and feelings of inadequacy. Because there is a real, intense need for work as a distraction, other areas of their life tend to suffer. And the cycle goes on and on.
Workaholics can benefit greatly from cognitive behavioral therapy where they can learn coping strategies that allow them to feel better and work less.
If you or someone you know is addicted to work and would like to explore treatment options, please get in touch with me. I’d love to help you find some balance in your life.
